But all this can be easily changed! One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. except some weekends I have to work away from home (Overnight). So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. We started day care 2-3x a week and yesterday I picked him up expecting him to smile and be happy to see me but he just looked away. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! Some moms return to work just a few weeks after having a baby, while others take up to a year (or longer) of maternity leave. It might be worth trying too. . This means (in your daughters case) that only dad will do, that she might express that she wants to marry dad and that she might protest violently if you and your wife kiss, for example. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. I dont know what to do. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. I am happy to report that he is now 12 months old and has really come to be much more bonded to me, though again he prefers my partner if hes offered a choice between the two of us. you cant help it. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Lori Mihalich Levin's book Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return from Maternity Leave, should be required reading for all new mamas. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. I dont know what to do. i am a working mom. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. It breaks my heart Ive cried many times!! We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. I have been with my 4 month old since birth and she recently started to stop laughing at me or anything I do and I try so hard. The earlier you start looking, the better. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? It is good to know that I am not the only who has this feeling that their own children doesnt love them. My 3 year old seems to resent her dad. It is especially hard since i am a very affectionate and loving person my 3 year old son is very affectionate and is always hugging and kissing me? Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. But when she is sick, she comes running to mommy to give her medicine and take here to the doctors. What can I do? The Reddit . Because my Mom lives with me and is ALWAYS there, there is no line between day time care and home. What a painful situation you are in! everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. i feel so alone and depressed. Please help me to know what is the problem? it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. If you can work part-time, do so. My husband and mother care for him while Im gone (Mon-Fri 12-7pm). I feel like shes afraid that everytime I pick her up Im taking her to do something she doesnt like or finds unpleasant. We share all parenting tasks equally, so it isnt as if he spends more time with her, though he was with her for a few months before he went to daycare (3-6 months). She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. in the meantime I feel like a monster that frightens her ??! After her leather boots and Gucci throw shopping spree she was obviously not able to pay her rent. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. At around 7-10 months many babies go through stages of separation anxiety and stranger anxiety, meaning that they are terrified to be left alone and/or meet strangers. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. Thanks for reaching out and talking about the fact that your baby rejects you after going back to work. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! I have an 8 month old daughter. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. My daughter prefers my mother, as she looks after her while Im at college. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . she cries for grand mother . (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. ), are hard-wired so to speak to love their mothers, absent significant abuse and/or neglect. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. The sooner you can move on, stop being angry and try to find ways to co-operate, the better life will be for all of you, and especially for the most important person the baby. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. Such a silly situation. I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. Well, it of course depends on the situation; if the mom and baby live together and have had the possibility to develop a bond, and so on. A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. going to bed, having her diaper changed, eating (weve had problems with her wanting to eatanother issue entirely), etc.). I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. Can someone please advise me on what to do? He just screams in my arms. I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. Very scary! Give your girl as much time, love, attention, and body contact as you can. Everyone eeps telling me that he loves me and he did miss me but it doesnt feel like it. We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. it is breaking my heart. I feel bad for the child. My daughter is now almost 10 months old and cries even when I walk by. Allow a drip or two go into your baby's mouth, then try to insert the bottle nipple into your baby's mouth. I used to adore my parents to death. She cant even choose not to, because you are her mom. Please dont give up. Therefore, dont think of it as spoiling her if your husband is carrying her around. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. Thanks. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. Before we know it they are even out of the house. What she calls you means nothing. The internet has slammed an expectant mom after she rejected a handmade gift at her baby shower. I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. this is not your fault. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. RIght now he is identifying with dad. its hard to be a parent but it is very important. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. Getting the Right Child Care. He may be more accepting of it if he is not crazy hungry. Do I leave my son and my partner so they can be together, or do I stay and let them make me feel worse. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. Try to reach out to your mom and ask for her help. She doesnt come when i call out to her. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! It is a short time when our children really need us as badly as when they are babies and young toddlers. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. The rational part of me says that this makes sense because he is with daddy more than me at the moment. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. But it is so important! And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. Please help if you have passed this phase. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. Paula, please give me some advice! Her father does go out a lot with her on his days but I do not drive and all we do is stay at home. Any parent who has been there can relate to your pain. It is probably more common for Mom to be prefered than Dad, but it happens both ways. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. And when he wakes up at night he always looks for his dad and when I want to hold him he pushes my hands away. Unrequited love hey. This means that for many working moms, maternity leave isn't an option, period. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. i know i need to love her now but do feel so sad when she pushes away from me. My son is now 14 mos old and he is bonded to me. I know that very well! People do crazy things in separations. i also wrote here several months ago. and youre doing the right thing. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. We may not do much and I am stern when it comes to bad behavior but she cries a lot and asks where daddy is. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. Take care of yourself during this time. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. When you get back, you're still the #1 mom. What should I do Please help. Is that true? I cant seem to find this answer. If we dont see them for a couple of weeks, I feel the bond coming back but we cant stay away for ever & my girlfriend doesnt understand what Im going through please help cause it really hurts & gets me down. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. I would hate for it to be the opposite. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. Or give me some advice so she wont freak out on me like she does? By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. Ive made the comment to my husband on several occasions, but now that my daughter is 3 and expresses herself verbally it is really affecting me. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. Thank you very much for the clarifications. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. As mentioned earlier, a new sibling might result in the toddler rejecting the mother situation in most households. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. Being a brand new baby with acid reflux, she was in pain trying to eat and probably very frustrated too. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. He acts like thats his baby rejecting mom after going back to work it for the 8 or 9 months however... 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