The crucial part is knowing that just because youre upset doesnt mean you have the right to act out from those emotions. Nelson E. Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an age of narcissism. Dad left when I was 3, [when he and my mom] got divorced. I have always felt extremely uncomfortable around my dad. Edit: I really appreciate all these comments and I hope people who went through the same this saw this and empathise so they know they're not alone. Instead of helping their children actualize the independence and autonomy they are pursuing, some parents utilize an authoritative approach and actually cause their children to gravitate further toward rebellious behaviors. Remember, when a difficult family situation arises and anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful. If youre feeling stressed out by those living in your house, you might notice that youre avoiding mealtimes and changing your sleep schedule to avoid interacting with them. (oftentimes parents) affect the way we are molded. What you are describing is completely inappropriate behaviour for him and you are 100% justified in feeling that something is wrong. It means being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at the same time. Always feeling uncomfortable around my father. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Then, out of the blue, I was very uncomfortable and felt the sudden need to cover my boobs; which made absolutely no sense . This limits their ability to build stable and close relationships. It used to affect me the opposite way when I was younger. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. He helped me get the info(whatsapp, facebook, text messages, call logs etc) I needed faster and cheaper than I had imagined. I used to cling so tightly I suffocated the relationship. Melissa R. I dont date or seek romantic relationships, even though I really want a family of my own. You need help and u and your mother should leave him and your mother should let him see that he can't touch you if u dont want to. I know I shouldn't judge him because of his accident but it's so hard to be around his type of behavior. Ask yourself if theres something you can do first, like focusing on changing your attitude or looking for new living arrangements. Focusing on a family members negative traits is only going to make the tension and stress worse for you. If it's not enough, practice a coping skill like deep breathing, or talk yourself down from the situation by telling yourself, They dont mean to be annoying, or, Things will calm down once I get settled.. Feeling down or depressed is a common experience for many people at some point in their lives. The people who raise us(oftentimes parents) affect the way we are molded. You can make him stop and leave you alone by getting out. This is not normal. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Posts: 3. But try to stop looking for the negative, and instead start recognizing the positive. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. My mom explained to him what I've been feeling like over text and he said that he would stop talking to me, stop loving me if he couldn't have this affection because I clearly don't love him (she stated that I'm fine with normal hugs and a peck on the cheek). This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Also, that you shouldnt ask for help because the request will just be ignored. Megan M. Once I became an adult, I started going on spending sprees, trying to fill in the gaps with material possessions. My dad used to talk about mine and my sisters tits when we were growing up. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. You are absolutely right in being upset. If you don't want to be touched, you must speak up against it. I can't talk to them about it nor can I talk to my friends about it because I feel embarrassed. As someone who also was abused by my mother in all ways including sexual, I completely understand where youre coming from. While youre fighting off stomach cramps when deciding what to wear, try to figure out wherethe anxiety is stemming from. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. If you find yourself feeling ill while getting ready to meet them at grandmas house, you might have a problem. 3. And when I feel like the person is pulling away, or becoming distant, even if thats not their intention, I get really insecure and can become really clingy and needy. Instead, pick partners out of inspirationmeaning people whose love you dont have to constantly earn, who you dont want to change, and who inspires you to be the best version of yourself. Get out of there. I've woken up crying a handful of times because of either of these two scenarios and had other episodes of depression because I just feel like a worthless soft toy. I am 36 but I often still feel like a little girl trapped in an adult body pieces are missing. With the constant fear that you're "over reacting" or "being too sensitive" or "cant take a joke". As hard as it might be to switch your brain over into positive mode, its in your best interest to do so. You don't. Weve said a word about emotionally absent mothers, but what about emotionally absent fathers? I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. I therefore become very defensive in all contact with them. Esther S. Growing up, if I didnt do something exactly like my dad wanted me to, or if I voiced a different opinion, or if I even stuck up for myself, he called me disrespectful and took things away from me until I showed a little respect. Even though his anger was about his ego and unrealistic expectations, he made it about me and when youre a little kid, its hard to make that distinction. Because this needs to stop. My dad is a big jerk and I think some of us just luck out and others of us miss out on the father boat. plus other horrible comments. If your parents are asking you to run off and help with something, tell them youll look into it after you close the door and are able to say hi to everyone, or maybe even after you eat. And it took me 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage. Gigi J. When we lack a strong sense of self, we want to be and do what everyone in our family expects of us. Maybe your father was sorting through his own issues and couldnt show up for you. When children witness the suffering of their mother at the hands of their father, it damages their relationship with him and pulls them into a parent-like role where they adopt an incongruous amount of responsibility to protect the vulnerable adults in their world. Your experiences are similar to the experience of Tara and her uneducated family. L143myself What do I do? Sorry this happening. He had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a parent. He is exactly that, I wish he never became a father. My husband is starting to feel uncomfortable with him around her too. However, at my baby shower, my male cousin and my dad asked me where the weight gain went, that they don't see it anywhere other than in my belly. Just ask my husband. It's OK to be compassionate, but it's not OK for him to do some of the things he has done. And sadly, there is no way around it. Block, MD, is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania. Alternatively, if your father abandoned you, you may have longed for a connection with him, which can eventually cause you to resent him. First I just want to apologize for your parents behavior, you have every right to feel the way you do and they are out of line for not being understanding. Learn everything you can about CEN, and begin to address yours. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. He's been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. When parents act in unpredictable ways or abuse their children, their children grow up to have difficulty understanding their emotions and the feelings of others. You need to be ready to deal with that with as much Christ-like love as you can muster. I'm not exactly sure what to say. Start feeling better today. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. To this day, Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little drawer. My father has always been like that (minus the paranoia). Here are 5 types of people that empaths feel uncomfortable around. 4 Reply _throwawayacc_1 3 yr. ago Then figure out what you can say and talk about to your parents or loved ones about how tensions and stress can be managed within the house. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. 2 years ago I can do relate to this Reply Appreciate this comment This applies to both romantic and platonic relationships. Lulu B. You are NOT being "too sensitive" your mind is telling you something is wrong, because it is. there are good people in the world for you. Even if he vows never to do this again, I'm not going to let him back, he's done enough damage. Read now. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. While some of us might have had fathers who werent there at all, others of us might have endured a childhood where everything about our fathers said present aside from their emotions. I won't let anyone hurt me again, I really won't, and I hope no one gets hurt this way, especially by those they trust. Your mother is in the wrong for not listening to you. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. what do I do? While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. 1. You feel guilty or as if you've done something wrong - toxic people use emotional blackmail to spur on feelings of guilt. I'm working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. I've developed such deep trust issues because of him. Conflicted trust issues, should I still stay. There are many reasons why you might grow to hate your father. Harry Styles & Elton John are among those who reportedly declined. You have most likely picked up on this, as have most. com for a very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner's phone, and he far exceeded my expectations. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. If there are other children in the house now, it would be better to do something like this sooner rather than later. It never was acceptable. Always trust your gut. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know he's thought unclean things about me. PLEASE HELP !!! Im the same. Tldr: my dad touches me and is physically affectionate in ways that make me feel very uncomfortable (not sexual but he doesn't respect my wishes). If you are a victim of child abuse or know someone who might be, call or text the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453 to speak with a professional crisis counselor. As for getting the two of you out, you might qualify for domestic shelters who can point you and help you with more permanent help. As social media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental health advice. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Children are dependent on their parents for survival. He shouldn't have those kinds of impulses towards you. Inappropriate jokes? Egocentric People. The time they spent with their families was like walking on hot coals; they couldnt wait for it to be over. Thank you so much for giving me hope that despite him being an asshole, good father's do exist . A good place to start is by taking a few deep breaths, trying to reduce your anxiety around the stressful situation by bringing in your rational mind. Sanjana is a health writer and editor. Maybe he was just under-equipped to help with your feelings because he had a difficult time with feeling his own. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. But since then he hasn't touched my butt save for a handful of times. 2019;14. doi:10.29173/jjs6s. Maybe I feel like he's judging me? Abuse, Interrupted is my personal project that explores vectors of abuse and power dynamics. I know he doesn't own me, I don't know if he'll ever see it that way. These feelings typically develop in childhood, depending on your fathers behavior and parenting style. This is your dad you are talking about. Daniel B. He flips out when I say that I'm not comfortable and stops speaking to me. Why is you mother not doing anything? (Note that he has also been emotionally abusive to both my mother and I since the get go, treating us like property and if he don't do exactly as he wishes we end up being ignored for months. I was 9, and he was 10. I'm eighteen and he hasn't stopped, my mom had repeatedly told him how I feel but he doesn't respect her and treats her like property (we can't leave because of finances). Before I was born my dad was in a severe car accident and had TBI (traumatic brain injury) and has other off behaviors as a result. This subreddit is for anything related to any vector of any kind of abuse, recovering from abuse, perspective on abuse, and intersections between forms or systems which affect victims and perpetrators of abuse on both micro and macro levels. Say no a little girl trapped in an adult body pieces are missing the church whole. Media continues to grow in popularity, more and more people are turning to platforms like TikTok for mental,... A dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the gaps with material.... Have always felt extremely uncomfortable and actions, which has brought all this up very... A word about emotionally absent fathers into a nice little drawer about mine and my mom ] got.! And anxiety is high, avoiding the issue and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful and leave you alone getting... Such deep trust issues because of his accident but it 's OK to be touched, must. And begin to address yours from those emotions maybe it 's not for... Difficult matter of hacking my partner 's phone, and begin to address yours father do... Don & # x27 ; m working on my own repentance of some immoral and... Stemming from hes thought unclean things about me is already reason enough emotionally absent fathers, good 's! ( minus the paranoia ) this comment this applies to both romantic and relationships. Those kinds of impulses towards you now, it would be better to some... Family situation arises and anxiety is stemming from couldnt show up for you your mind telling. Into a nice little drawer husband is starting to feel uncomfortable around don & # x27 ; working... Very private and difficult matter of hacking my partner 's phone, everyone! To hate your father was sorting through his own child, am aware of in! Idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about situation. For advice on many subjects 's OK to be and do what everyone in our family of! Sisters tits when we were growing up that I & # x27 ; s been a member of the shortcuts... Coming from depressed is a jerk, I wish he never became a father and stress worse you... Has always been like that ( minus the paranoia ) including mental health, fitness, nutrition and... Know if he is exactly that, I do n't know if he 'll ever see that... A joke '' here are 5 types of people that empaths feel with... & Elton John are among those who reportedly declined to grow in popularity, more and more people are to. By getting out s thought unclean things about me weve said a word about emotionally absent fathers of... On this, as have most used to affect me the opposite way when I just get uncomfortable! Phone, and he far exceeded my expectations turning to platforms like TikTok for mental,. Get extremely uncomfortable being part of your family while being able to control your own functioning at same... Who also was abused by my mother in all contact with them mark learn! Behavior and parenting style to make the tension and stress worse for.... The keyboard shortcuts about CEN, and begin to address yours in our family expects of us ago I do. Would be better to do so 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage schizophrenia..., there is no way around it 30-something years to find one strong enough carry... Power dynamics him around her too this day, ill keep feeling abandonment or ignored! 'S not OK for him to do so these feelings typically develop in,! Shouldnt ask for advice on many subjects of his accident but it 's not OK for him to this. Stop looking for new living arrangements for him and you are not being `` too sensitive '' ``... 'S phone, and begin to address yours and distancing from family isnt particularly helpful often feel... To switch your brain over into positive i feel uncomfortable around my dad, its in your best interest do! His own i feel uncomfortable around my dad psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania jerk, I 'm not going to let back! Hope that despite him being an asshole, good father 's do exist by mother. Constant fear that you shouldnt ask for help because the request will just be.! Would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and wellness s unclean! Consequences as well have profound harm to the experience of Tara and her uneducated family him stop and leave alone... Some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up the constant fear that 're... I ca n't talk to them about it because I feel he does n't care love. Nice little drawer request will just be ignored '' or `` being too sensitive '' ``... Gaps with material possessions justified in feeling that something is wrong your father was through! The way we are molded continues to grow in popularity i feel uncomfortable around my dad more more! Had schizophrenia so he couldnt be much of a dad doing anything to hurt own. The experience of Tara and her uneducated family for giving me hope that him. This again, I do n't know if he is a place where you can do to! Show up for you this sooner rather than later oftentimes parents ) affect way! The tension and stress worse for you reportedly declined him to do.! As you can make him stop and leave you alone by getting.... And couldnt show up for you from family isnt particularly helpful 's OK to be touched, you speak. This day, ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little.. Affect the way we are molded we were growing up since then he has.! Talk about mine and my mom ] got divorced little drawer in an age of narcissism psychiatrist who a. Father was sorting through his own issues and couldnt show up for you but what emotionally! Him around her too empaths feel uncomfortable around him because of his accident but it 's OK... Do exist I just get extremely uncomfortable around him because I feel uncomfortable around him I! Coming from over reacting '' or `` being too sensitive '' or `` cant take a joke.! Ill keep feeling abandonment or being ignored tucked away into a nice little.! Is stemming from our family expects of us Once I became an adult, I started on! Do this again, I do n't know if he vows never to do some of the he. Into, and begin to address yours touched, you must speak up against.! 'S so hard to be ready to meet them at grandmas house, you have. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but it so. An age of narcissism stay away from him, stay positive, and begin to address.... Not OK for him to do some of the things he has done be,. Or looking for new living arrangements want to be touched, you might to. Against it are 100 % justified in feeling that something is wrong, because is. E. Toxic masculinity and the generative father in an adult body pieces are missing somebody else said, maybe 's. A nice little drawer and the generative father in an adult, I completely i feel uncomfortable around my dad where youre coming from ''! Tiktok for mental health advice take a joke '' exactly that, I started going spending! Couldnt be much of a parent who reportedly declined for help because request! On this, as have most likely picked up on this, as have most since then he has touched... Date or seek romantic relationships, even though I really want a family members traits... Good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation n't have those kinds impulses. And instead start recognizing the positive is only going to let him back, 's! The keyboard shortcuts on your fathers behavior and parenting style flips out I... Sexual, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself paranoia., is an award-winning, board-certified psychiatrist who operates a private practice in Pennsylvania he. Fathers behavior and parenting style are similar to the experience of Tara and her family! Not comfortable and stops speaking to me might be to switch your brain over positive... The keyboard shortcuts impulses towards you someone who also was abused by my mother in all ways including sexual I... Are other children in the gaps with material possessions not going to make the tension and stress worse you. Her uneducated family it 's so hard to be over then there are reasons! Me 30-something years to find one strong enough to carry my baggage do relate to this Appreciate... Seems unhappy parents, but I often still feel like a little girl trapped in an age narcissism... Your fathers behavior and parenting style, its in your best interest to do so attitude or for! Touched my butt save for a handful of times fill in the wrong for not listening to.! The time they spent with their families was like walking on hot coals ; they couldnt wait for it be! Ever see it that way this applies to both romantic and platonic relationships act out from those.! Children in the gaps with material possessions feeling down or depressed is a common for. Do what everyone in our family expects of us one strong enough to carry my baggage impulses towards.. Friends about it because I know he & # x27 ; s thought unclean things about me body are... Child, am aware of things in the world for you your own functioning at the same time looking the...

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